Just a quick note. I changed the Look of the site and I am doing some trial and error work right now. This Look was based off of a Template of May's Design. Thanks! (A little more exposure for you)

So, if you have ever seen this site, you have probably been offended! Bottom line. However if you have returned for more, You are probably a sinical mutha like maself. So here some food for your brain. Last night, I offended someone with some authority!! There is this middle age, southern, nicely dressed female at my work on my shift that seems to hate my guts now. I know that she doesn't really like my mouth but last night must have been the breaking point. I was talking to some co-workers and said a few, well....to say bad words is not right. I said "ASS" and "CRAP" in the same sentance and this southern thang flipped fo real!! She looks at me and says, " You have the Foulest mouth I have ever heard, and its REALLY annoying!" Then she stormed out of the office! Turns out, after speaking with management, she told them I had the "Foulest foulest foulest foulest and foulest mouth she had ever heard!" She also thinks that I am racist, sexist, and passivley Agressive. SEE! Just what I am sayin! People dont like to hear brutal truth about life. She took my thoughts and views and made them soud dirty, when if fact...its just Harsh society at its worst. I had talked about race at work yes, but in the matter of how I thinks it sucks!!! The fact that society has split whites and blacks up even to this day, and how blacks are more racisit than us these days AND I asked where all the luv was in the world?!!! Thats it...and she took it as me being racist. I....am far from racist friends!! Crakuh has had Black, Hispanic and even GAY friends in his life. I just pains me how the world works. SHE, is a prime example of what this site MOCKS!! Poor lady...even after management came to me about it...they thought is was somewhat funny..and all they had to say was, "If she is ofended at you, good thing she didn't work gravyard last year with us!" FUCKING FAN-TASTIC

So, yah...for the first time in a while, I have nothing to rant about. I try to keep is real as possible so I don't make repetative rants. I'm just tired, sleep deprived, hungy, sexualy starved and frustrated. Forgive thy Crakuh!

So, in previous posts I have gone off about Daytime television and now its primetimes turn!! Reality TV? Ok, so Survivor was a litte retarded but ok; and The Real World/Road Rules wasn't all too bad. But God Damn!!! Are we all Whores? TV Whores?!! Look at the shit we are forced to mop up these days!! We have Survivor, The Bachelor, Joe Millionaire, The Bachelorette, I'm a Celebrity Get me out of here, Celebrity mole, American Idol, Nashville star and we have even brought back from the dead ashes "Star Search."!!!It sickens me that I can't turn on the Tele' and find a decent show on at all!!! Fuck what wrong with us? Just goes to show that America Worships tha $$ and we are all sellouts!! Mindless TV Whores that need therapy, and then there is some of us who struggle to keep our un-impressed eyelids open and rather them closed to protect us from this Cinematic punishment!!! May Budah have mercy on all of you Ass wipes!!

So, this post is also found on frigG!! but was too good to pass up here as well. This was quoted almost word for word from the graveyard Supervisor last night around the ol' call center.

"So I've figured out how to kidnap a midget! You see, midgets love pizza, everyone knows that, So you put a hot fresh pizza in your car trunk, leave it open and wait. A midget will come waddling by eventually and he'll smell the pizza and go into a frenzy!! He'll try to get the pizza but his arms are too short so he'll have to climb into the trunk to eat the pizza. Here's the greatest thing..While he's gorging himself on pizza and not paying attention..and you can't wait until he's down to the crust because you know they get all dosile while they eat, like you can pet them and stuff, but you gotta hurry becuase when they get done eating they get all dangerous again...Slam the trunk on him quick as possible. So I figure i'll get like 4 of them and reinact fellowship of the rings in my backyard."

We then asked him how he planned on getting them out of the trunk....he replied....."one of those dog catcher things with the loop on the end." GREAT STUFF!!!!

Comming Soon! Watch for posts from the frigG!! himself on Crakuh!

Here is some trivia for you and maybe I am not the only one to notice it but......are these two related???!!



Who are they? Why we have on the left Chester Bennington of Linkin Park and on the right we have Justin Timberlake of *Nsync. Two worlds apart yet they look so much alike. I think Chester is Justin's evil twin myself..

Another random thought....I think that pooping is a metaphoric and courteous was to get you feelings out about the sister of a lesbian blingin me the peace sign all nite from a photo on my desk. So, then as a man of the no cloth I realize that my own prison is the fact that I am now non-existant to the real world as I am a creature of the night. I seem to have a thing for camp trailer and find it facinating that I can go into one and eat dinner by myself and not feel quilty. Therefore, I am now protesting McDonalds for taking the McRib sandwich away from my groveling hands once again. The End

On my way out the front door, I stepped on something. I thought it was tape so I tried to scuff it off on the carpet but I was wrong. For there, lurking in the darkness of the corner by the door, as a 4 inch SHIT that I had now smeared everywhere. FUCK!

Fun fact of the day.

The word "Fuck" stemming from ages ago comes from the term F.U.C.K. This meaning "For Un-lawful Carnal Knowledge" or "Futile Un-lawful Carnal Knowledge." The term was set reguarding un-faithful women; they would set them in blocks (hands and head closed in a wooden block, hands on each side of the head) in town center for passers to look down upon. The heading "F.U.C.K" was posted above thier display.

Fun fact provided by frigG!!

So, There is this old tale that seems to ring true and effects good men everywhere. That is"when the ring goes on the finger, the sex STOPS." Why is this? Do women feel that they no longer need to try to please us. Does the rock on the finger just have an effect on the sex drive? Do women just not like getting thier FUCK ON? I was talking to a friend of mine who is a fellow Crakuhzonian, and he had professed to me that his wife on many years never puts out. "One time in FOUR MONTHS" he says. There is litteraly no excuse for it. Especially since she has no job, and doesn't do anything all day. Doesn't even clean house!! Needless to say he is a little distraught. I would be too! But, as I had mentioned in a previous post..I seem to be on that fast track my self. As in sex I mean. It has been almost two weeks since I have seen any action and I am 25!!! I play alot of hand hockey needless to say. I have to! Otherwise when I do get it I would be "whump, there goes the spunk on that two pump chump fer shizzle!" Quite frankly, it angers me to the point of calm collectiveness..and thats bad. A phat shout out to all home boys out there in the same boat. I feel for ya' and I am currently seeking a resolve to this problem.(I.E viagra in her cool aid, Ginsing in her tea, any aphrodisiac I can find.)

Ya' know what I have about had ENOUGH OF!! Office micro-management, and the all out utterly retarded shit co-workers find to complain about. In my office, people have been switching the mice around because thiers does not have the "Scrolly Thing." This has become such a problem that if anyone is caught changing around the mice from work station to work station, they will be fired. So, our brilliant I.T Dept and come up with the solution to Disable all the scoll feature so that all mice are equal. Jesus Christ! How about dropping a dime to get ALL the computers a Scroll mouse. Or, this one; co-workers bitching about touching thier shit, or moving thier stuff in the cubes or whining about your in thier seat. SHUT THE FUCK UP! This a call center! There are no assigned seats. God damned bunch of whiners. I wonder if Mike Judge ever worked in an office enviroment...."I believe you have my stapler."

I think this is one of the best older flicks of all times. It has De Niro, Walken and some other Hollywood stars such as Meryl Streep. Pretty Cheesy, but still worth a watch fer shizzle.

YOU RAN OVER A SMALL CHILD AND LEFT HIM TO DIE!!!


What's YOUR deepest secret?This is what mine said!
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So, I got my first "Hate Call" today. From an undisclosed caller ( I wont mention names) that does not seem to agree with the postings on this site. Well, you see..this site is not aimed directly at any one person but simply generalizations. And mind you they are MY optinions and rants and occaisionaly others will post as well. Click the link to hear this analog wonder (edited for name content).

So, I'm sitting here looking at a chocolate Zinger in the trash can in my cube and wondering if anyone would notice if I ate it. They'd all be like "hey, where did you all of a sudden get a Zinger?" Looks pretty old to me though.....

de·moc·ra·cy

n. pl. de·moc·ra·cies

Government by the people, exercised either directly or through elected representatives.

A political or social unit that has such a government.

The common people, considered as the primary source of political power.

Majority rule.

The principles of social equality and respect for the individual within a community.


....Sound Like America to you? What a nice fallacy. Oh well, we can all wish.

So, this is to set the record straight about a few things in the music industry. I used to be a huge fan of country music.You know? The pioneering county artist pushing into a new era and yet remaining quite popular. However, I have a huge issue with what we call "Sell Outs." To name a few, Tim Mcraw, faith hill,Shania Twain, Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood...the list goes on. The same goes for other Genres as well such as Hip hop icons like Ja Rule and Nelly. I mean, look at "Missy Mis-da-mena" Elliot! God damn what a no tallent, annoying piece of shit she is. FUCK! All Sell Outs! They all jumped on the "This is popular today" wagon to the point that if they had original thoughts it would kill them. They all seem to be on some kind of cross-over to the pop charts and loosing site of what Country Music is all about. I still give props to Artist such as Diamond Rio, Travis Tritt, Randy Travis, and even new groups like Nickle Creek for keeping the spirit of country and blue grass alive. Rock folks like "The Used," and "Linkin Park" are also bands I have to give MAD props to for being so damned original. Many Genres I may not like but certainly won't bash or say they suck as that would be to opinionated. I simply just hate Most of the new music hitting the shelves and being called "New." God damned buch of fucking sell-outs anyways.

So, being a rep from a large online store, I read quite a few product reviews. And can anyone tell me why "Star Wars II Attack of the clones" is so damn popular. Are we all brain dead? The cast was full a reputible actors but it looks as if they forgot how to act?!! The effects were great, storyline great, but the acting REEKED! I am affraid I will have to agree with Conan O'Brian on this one....They are all just Star Wars Junkies and who cares about the small things like...ACTING!

So, I went to Wal*Mart yesterday, and my god I wasn't suprised. Go to there on a saturday afternoon when all of the low lifes are out. I walk in the door and to my left there is some fat ass bitch stuffin' her face with poppy-cock, and to my right a fat old man that smelled of cheap cologne. As I proceed to the pharmacy (quickly so I can get the hell out fast) I noticed an employee sitting down on a bench with her head in her hands looking like she was contimplating suicide. Then is was back to the checkout line passing midget like things, hillbillies and three young kids that looked like Shaggy from scooby doo. When I reached the checkout, even the express line was huge. So I opted for lane 7. As I stood in line 7, I noticed the checker, "Carol," was an elderly fat bar-fly looking thing with jet black dyed hair. She was having to do some kind of price check on a baby carrier for a redneck dressed in his best (ripped jeans, dirty flannel and carhart coat) while the rest of us waited patiently. After 10 minute of the line not even moving, I noticed the 105 year old couple behind me had re-located to a checkout that just opened......they of course were using coins as currency, but it was still faster than "Carol" and her price-check.

Roy D.Mercer.....what's up with this ass hole. Have ya''ll heard of him? If not, your lucky. This is a man who prides himself on thinking he is funny. He essentially makes prank calls that are dry and boring. The worst thing about it is that he has a strong southern accent that makes you want to kick his worthless ass up and down. You see these rednecks laughing thier asses off at this absolute unoriginal shit and ya wonder why?? One word...simple! Just simple! "How bigga feller are ya?" AHHHH my god!! Fuck him!!!! I had better stop, before I go into a fit......Kinda like Jeff Foxworty. What ever happened to that loser of a dead end cancelled Sit-com has-been??

So, whats up with the whole "Urban Cowboy" theme that has swept the nation. All these cowfolk running around town lookin like something out of a damn western!? I can't quite grasp that scene at all. I mean, I gots to give props to the real cowboys of this country. By that I mean cattle ranchers, and not bullriders. Where the fuck do these ass munches get off thinking that they are cowboys?? Have you ever watched a rodeo? I love the phrase, " 'Tha's a real cah-boy rat thar folks!" Why? Because he mounted a two ton animal that could tromp him into the dirt? Fuck you!! That only proves he has no good sense; and the urban cowboy scene with the big ol' belt buckles and wranglers so tight you can see thier junk is just not right at all! The closest they have come to a cow is the zoo, or The Burger king!! They most likely work at Wal-Mart.

Guess who has a new Album coming out!?

That's right! These masters of beat are in the studio as we speak getting ready to treat us to a third musical miracle! I am gonna be the FIRST in line to buy that mutha.

So, I have a bitch. This is a shout out to all you who don't know how to use the neat invention called "The Shower." Why must you fuckers walk around smelling like week old roadkill, rotten shorts, socks, ash trays and B.O!! Are you imune?? Can you not smell your own stench?? Well we can! Damn it you fuckwads don't realize your taking up precious air space. Especially when a guy like me works in an office enviroment, and I have to smell your festering ass all day! And it's not just a little bad, it's so bad deoderant won't even cover it up. Then you just smell like a clean turd!! Wake up people, and most importantly...WASH UP!!

In relation to the last post. Love it!! Can't agree more with that one because we see alot of that in this yuppy town. Folks walkin around in the hot sun or crowded store, wearing thier Columbia Billboard proud like it means something. Maybe I should wear my CK's on the outside of my pants!! Just like the beanies. Whats up with the beanie on a hot day?? I can see it in the winter but DAMN IT! I hope all your fuckin hair falls out ya ass-a-holics!

Chicken dance....What the fuck is this? Why are we teaching our kids to dance around like they are having an diabetic seasure? "Mommy look! Tito is doin the chicken dance! Oh wait..WHERE is his insulin, he's havin a fit!!" Crap man, if ya''ll like lookin like a retard, or enjoy watching kids act like one, I highly recomend this practice we call the chicken dance. Not that I have ever seen a chicken dance.

I am going to have to reiterate a few of my favorite points about a few of my favorite people. Bravo!! to the poeple who can't even get a fucking G.E.D.
Bravo!! to the people who can't see through the bible and flag they hold in front of thier eyes. BRAVO!!! to the people who point fingers and ask no questions. BRAVOOO!!!! to the people who can't hold a FUCKING j.o.b for more than two weeks. BRAVO!!!! to the folks who lay around blaming everyone else for thier misery. And BRA-FUCKING-VO to everyone and anyone that started reading this, and couldn't fuckin' finish because you couldn't get a G.E.D and you can't read!!. You are the weakest link...and a burdon on us all.

There is a sock in the dirty clothes hamper with jism on it....wonder how that got there?

Imagine, waking up to a sweet, inocent puppy licking your face with love. As you pull yourself from your slumber, a deep, disturbing sound gurges from the puppy's throat and BLAK! She fucking pukes all over your face.

Outside the small town of Oakridge Oregon, there is a little hell hole called Deception Creek Trailer Park. Can you phathom that shit!? How would you like to live in Deception Creek? Where the toothless run wild and dads have sex with the neighbors, the neighbors dogs, and thier cousins. I mean hey? What else can we draw from that name?

Lifetime, Television for Women. Jesus Christ.I tell ya people can only take so much man hating, Golden Hags and crappy women detective shows in one "Lifetime" if you ask me. The movie, "Dead Husbands" is about women who don't like thier hubby's anymore and they hire this dumbass cunt to kill them off. Just an example of the shit that is out there. What if there was a channel like this for men? Shows like "The Golden Guys" were on it! Who would want to watch a buncha old farts sitting around complaining about life. One would be a 60 year old player that always gets the hags. One would be dumb as a fucking post and make lame jokes...Or, better yet! They would make a Movie called the "Dead Wives." Yeah, it would be about men who hate thier bitch ass wives and have this wierdo fuck them, then "wack" them. See how long that shit airs before it is shut down due to low ratings and lawsuits. Just goes to show you how desparate some women are for entertainment.