My point of view on Politics, Love, Religion and anything else this crazy life has to offer. See me also on Myspace.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Not a happy post
'Scuse me...i am going to yell now. GOD DAMN IT!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON LATELY!!!! All of a sudden I find myself in a serious financial pinch. The vehicle I just bought needs some attention as far as repairs to the tune of over $250.00. CHRIST I just paid the last part of the down payment last weekend. I been so broke I dare not spend money for anything outside of essentials. (Food, Gas...bout it) Even still I fear I am going to fall short and end up being broke next payday as well. All the while, this isn't counting the vehicle repairs...I don't know where I am gonna get money for that. Additionally, I have a business trip on the horizon that may get in the way of selling and getting out of my home. Which, If I did I could be so well off for a while. Lots a stress that goes along with this home. In all, I am broke, with a vehicle I cannot leave town with, and cannot get out of my home fast enough. AAAAARRRGGG FUCKIN' SHIT!!! AHH!
The heart races. There is a clock on the wall that tells the hour. The hour. The hour in which daylight and darkness will battle for the sky....where darkness will prevail. The stillness. Stillness surrounds as if to coax one moment of calm, as the heart races and butterflies of lust and love compel my mind. It is near now. Darkness has won the hour and soon, there will be an embrace...
Welcome to the Myspace Hotel, Multiple Rooms Available
...Those rooms would be 62, 138 or 97. Ah yes, I think I will take 97 for now. For within this room it is okay to profess love and show feeling. One could even use names in random posts of frustration or bliss. When I say I love "someone" it is being rather vague now isn't it? And I cannot use initials. What would one think if they saw I love "RG"? That's just wrong. So Risa, I love you for you and can't be with you enough. Yeah, I am talking at you!
Some change is easy. For the most part however, most change is not. perhaps the change is for the good? It will not matter in most cases. Anyone who knows me, knows I have had a whole ripped right through the middle of my life in a very big way. They also know that I was doing an awesome job of holding my own. Central Oregon is my new home. It's where I planned to call home for a very long time. However, I am now at an impasse. Quite frankly, I have fallen head over heels for an awesome girl. With every passing moment together, I am more convinced she IS the female version of me. (In most regards that is) We travel back and forth over 360 miles round trip every weekend to see each other. I am pretty sure from this end that my feelings are not going to change any time soon....if ever. In fact, I am sure given where my head is at, and the fact that I love almost everything about her.
See, that's the thing right there. I have honestly been asked in the past, "What do you love about me?" Rarely could I answer...and when I did, it was fabricated. I can answer that about this one. I love; the way she obsesses over her appearance even when she looks fabulous, her efforts to always be the helper in a situation, her mind, her differences, her compulsiveness...shall I continue? Point being, it's gotten serious and she cannot leave her current city of residence for a while. I now have two choices. (well three actually) I continue to stay here and travel for a looooong time. I throw up arms and sell the house, crash with a friend, and move away to be with her. Or, lastly I end this before it gets out of hand. Well, way I see it it's already out of hand...and I let it get there. However, there is something to be said for how she got in. Others had tried. None had succeeded. If it got out of hand it's because it feels sincere. Sooo, option three is out. Gas prices at 3.19 a gallon, traveling is out as well. Looks like I am left one choice. I have a call into the lean holder, registered with a job finder and boxed/separated one room. I hope this is not false. Changes are hard, even if for the right reasons. Regret however is a stinky cologne and I don't like to wear it.
Why did I not fear change when I moved away from where I grew up? Because I hated it most likely....but no fear or regret at all. Ever since I was a child, I wanted to live in the height desert with the coyotes and the cattle. The smell of the air and the climate, been in love with it since I was about five. I will venture to saw that when I leave this place, I will Saab. Coming to terms with choices one must make is not easy. I guess I just need to know if it would be a good choice for me. Quite contradicting my last post, I don't think that old son-of-a-bitch time is going to help me out. I am not happy and something has to give. And I surely can't give her up....that would make me a moron! And a heart-broke asshole....which is not allowed! 2006, throw me a fricking bone here mkay! Make this easy on us somehow. Give me the winning Power ball numbers! Now that, would be an easy change! Wouldn't that be a bummer to go 'round the world with her...NOT! Think I would die of happiness.
Sorry, random thoughts. If you were looking for deep thoughts, Jack Handy is an ass-hole. You're in the wrong place.
